Records of a Mad Scientist: A TA's reminder

Thursday, September 29, 2011

A TA's reminder

I am not infalable.
I am not an answer machine.
I am not an answer key.
I am not a calculator.
I am not superwoman:
I cannot be in 12 places at once.
I am not sick of answer the same question over and over again.
I am not allowed to be frustrated
I am not allowed to be tired
I am not allowed to tell you that you're failing
even if you are.
I am not allowed to tell you the truth
because you just stop respecting me for it.
I am not allowed to tell you a lie
because you won't respect me after that either
I am not supposed to spend more than 20 hours a week doing this
I am supposed to be at your beck and call when ever you need help
I am supposed to trust my co-workers
I am not supposed to take the piss-poor work my co-workers accept
I am supposed to grade you fairly
I am not supposed to have an average above a C
I am supposed to arrive 15 minutes early for your class.
Even if it means that I don't get to go to the bathroom or sit down for 9 hours straight.
I am supposed to be patient.
But, do you realize
I never wanted to be a teacher
I am working twice what I should and not getting through
I have my own classes, my own responsibilities, and they still have to get done
I follow the rules as they are written.
I am a scant four years older than you are.
I am not here to be your friend.
I am your TA. And, I'm a human being.

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Cast of Characters

AC -- AD's roommate. Famous for his frustration with his own epic procrastination and ability to curse the latin word on the tip of his tongue.
AD -- my boyfriend. Its new... and exciting... and hard from this distance. An aerospace engineer. Still goes to the famous former football giant across the road from the castle where I went to undergrad.
BD -- one of my best friends from undergrad. Another ex-boyfriend and part of my incestious little circle of friends. Has rigid boundaries that serve him well. Math major and genius.
Dr.jR -- head of the chemistry and biochemistry department. Researches NOM (not eating, sadly, but natural organic material). Nice, but unpredicatble.
DrA -- my research boss. Somewhere in his thirties and totally chill. The first PI I've ever met who bakes cookies during lab meetings.
DrR -- my teaching boss. Crotchety old man who doesn't take shit. Slightly sexist. Smokes like a chimney. A teddy bear.
JL -- our post doc in lab. Chineese. Tells me not to work so hard.
JP -- an ex-boyfriend of mine and sort-of friend. Suitmate of AD. Sort of an asshole. VERY crude. We tend to play off eachother. Once dropped his pants in the middle of a crowded room. Also, halo teabagged someone in real life. More than once. Signature phrase is "Dicking Fuck." Exemplifies why Physics and Math double majors scare me.
Kara -- basically the person who told me to write this.
Michael Cera -- guy in my program. Actually younger than I am (I was suprised). Very nice. Lutheran boy scout. Might decide to teach chemistry. Analytical chemist.
MK -- The youngest member of the Quad (AC, AD, JP and MK). Computer science major. Bearded. Sometimes more mature than his fellow seniors who can drink. More or less uncorrupted. It was adorable when he had his first girlfriend.
N -- my fabulous Indian roommate. Seriously, she is great. And, she feeds me.
St. Pat -- One of the guys in my program. Older than the rest of us by a few years. A good analytical chemist. Smart. Familiar with the works of Joss Whedon.
T -- my former roommate. Gave me a cold for my brithday. LIke, a stuffed one.

A few definations...

Cell Biology -- a field of biology that is basically their answer to the fact that life is based in chemistry. As a graduate level course, it has involved a 2 day lecture on atomic bonding and the Krebs cycle. These were things covered in my freshman chemistry and biology courses.
Cubby's -- My prefered non smoking bar in graduate school
Macrophage -- Somestimes called Macs; a type of immune cell, and the target of my research. I've been told they're ugly, but I think they're pretty cute when I get to dye them pretty colors with florescent dye or proteins and look at them under the microscope. I get geeky abou them.
Microscope -- Dr.A's big, expensive microscope that looks at cells. It can see brightfield (normal cells) and florescent ones. We can also see if protiens are clumping together with it.
Students -- I teach freshman science majors, except for the ones who want to be chemists. I have a lot of engineers, a handful of premeds and biologists, and quite a few pre-pharmacy. Sometimes agravating, often exhausting, and a huge time suck. I want them to suceed, which, according to my defination, is learn something.

WARNING: Scientific Content

I realize that not all of my readers are scientists (I think maybe 1/3?), and even fewer are chemists. So, I propose a science warning system.

* Basic science. Things you should have learned in school if you had been paying attention. Or... if you don't know this, you need to talk to T because our science education system sucks.

** High School/Freshman college science and math. Stuff I would expect you to know after a calculus class and at least one class in physical and life science.

*** Some scientific knowledge. Let's assume you've had 1+ upper level science course in either biology or chemistry.

****Upper level science. You probably need 3 - 4 years of college chemistry/biology to get this part. Maybe not, though. I'll try to avoid this as much as possible. Sometimes, though, I can't help myself and I geek.