I am not infalable.
I am not an answer machine.
I am not an answer key.
I am not a calculator.
I am not superwoman:
I cannot be in 12 places at once.
I am not sick of answer the same question over and over again.
I am not allowed to be frustrated
I am not allowed to be tired
I am not allowed to tell you that you're failing
even if you are.
I am not allowed to tell you the truth
because you just stop respecting me for it.
I am not allowed to tell you a lie
because you won't respect me after that either
I am not supposed to spend more than 20 hours a week doing this
I am supposed to be at your beck and call when ever you need help
I am supposed to trust my co-workers
I am not supposed to take the piss-poor work my co-workers accept
I am supposed to grade you fairly
I am not supposed to have an average above a C
I am supposed to arrive 15 minutes early for your class.
Even if it means that I don't get to go to the bathroom or sit down for 9 hours straight.
I am supposed to be patient.
But, do you realize
I never wanted to be a teacher
I am working twice what I should and not getting through
I have my own classes, my own responsibilities, and they still have to get done
I follow the rules as they are written.
I am a scant four years older than you are.
I am not here to be your friend.
I am your TA. And, I'm a human being.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Things which are good in my life
1) My bed is very comfortable, especially with clean sheets.
2) I just got Matlab for my computer, so I can code in my bed.
3) I am happy for the return of Glee! I can't wait to see Damian, the hot, Irish one from The Glee Project, on the show.
4) The Daily Show and Colbert Report both have new epsiodes I can watch on Hulu
5) Nutella.
6) I don't have to worry about grading lab reports for another 24 hours.
7) I get to talk to Ads tonight
8) Did I mention that I could write Matlab scripts in bed while watching Hulu?
9) I don't have to be coherent until 9 tommorow morning.
10)Tommorow is Friday, and there are rumors of potato salad and brats as well as Catan.
2) I just got Matlab for my computer, so I can code in my bed.
3) I am happy for the return of Glee! I can't wait to see Damian, the hot, Irish one from The Glee Project, on the show.
4) The Daily Show and Colbert Report both have new epsiodes I can watch on Hulu
5) Nutella.
6) I don't have to worry about grading lab reports for another 24 hours.
7) I get to talk to Ads tonight
8) Did I mention that I could write Matlab scripts in bed while watching Hulu?
9) I don't have to be coherent until 9 tommorow morning.
10)Tommorow is Friday, and there are rumors of potato salad and brats as well as Catan.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
New Semester
Okay... so I know it's been a while since my last post. Summer has a way of sweeping me up in research. It was a good summer. Except for a few spats with the undergrad who was working with me, things went alright. But, school has started again. That means juggling teaching, research, classes, trying to have a life, and this semester, applications.
I've decided that this town is sapping away my sanity and my stamina. I just can't live here for the 4 - 6 more years required to get my PhD. I need something closer to a city, where there are more random acts of public beauty. The school campus here doesn't even have flowers. Its just grass, pavement and ugly buildings. I suppose the grass is covered by snow for 6 months of the year, but even that doesn't make a huge difference.
My student's haven't gotten much better. I got teacher reviews from last semester. I was disconnected. I was always late for my 8 am class. I was unprepared. I was unavailable. I was too hard.
I will accept that I was late for my morning class. I find 8 am classes nearly impossible. But, I made it. Every single week, I made it to class, and I stayed in class. Even on the days it hurt more than I can even describe to haul myself out of bed and across the parking lot, then stand for 9 hours. Even on the days I could barely hold a dry erase marker and make a coherent sentence. Even when I should have been at home sleeping. I was there, damn it.
As for the acquisition that I was unprepared, well, JQ and I always prepped labs on Sunday afternoon or Monday mornings. Sometimes, though, the first class would use more of a reagent that was expected, so nothing would be left when we started on Tuesday morning. Sometimes, thing could not be prepared in advance, because they would degrade. So, I'd have to make it fresh. It takes time to make things fresh, especially if you have 12 people looking for help in 12 different directions. And furthermore, I knew my shit. You want to know about cloning? Enzyme Assays? Bioinformatics? Spectroscopy? I can explain the theory. I challenge you to have a cohesive lecture at 8 am, especially when you don't function before 9.
But, biochem lab is over for now. I'm back to freshmen and sophomores. Students who think they're smart enough to pull the wool over my eyes when they cheat (They're not, and I caught them, again). Students who want me to hold their hand the whole way through. Its going to be a long semester...
I've decided that this town is sapping away my sanity and my stamina. I just can't live here for the 4 - 6 more years required to get my PhD. I need something closer to a city, where there are more random acts of public beauty. The school campus here doesn't even have flowers. Its just grass, pavement and ugly buildings. I suppose the grass is covered by snow for 6 months of the year, but even that doesn't make a huge difference.
My student's haven't gotten much better. I got teacher reviews from last semester. I was disconnected. I was always late for my 8 am class. I was unprepared. I was unavailable. I was too hard.
I will accept that I was late for my morning class. I find 8 am classes nearly impossible. But, I made it. Every single week, I made it to class, and I stayed in class. Even on the days it hurt more than I can even describe to haul myself out of bed and across the parking lot, then stand for 9 hours. Even on the days I could barely hold a dry erase marker and make a coherent sentence. Even when I should have been at home sleeping. I was there, damn it.
As for the acquisition that I was unprepared, well, JQ and I always prepped labs on Sunday afternoon or Monday mornings. Sometimes, though, the first class would use more of a reagent that was expected, so nothing would be left when we started on Tuesday morning. Sometimes, thing could not be prepared in advance, because they would degrade. So, I'd have to make it fresh. It takes time to make things fresh, especially if you have 12 people looking for help in 12 different directions. And furthermore, I knew my shit. You want to know about cloning? Enzyme Assays? Bioinformatics? Spectroscopy? I can explain the theory. I challenge you to have a cohesive lecture at 8 am, especially when you don't function before 9.
But, biochem lab is over for now. I'm back to freshmen and sophomores. Students who think they're smart enough to pull the wool over my eyes when they cheat (They're not, and I caught them, again). Students who want me to hold their hand the whole way through. Its going to be a long semester...
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Things I've learned this semester
So... I've made it through the semester. My 3.25 GPA doesn't say much for what I've learned, but let me make a list for you.
(1) Real Life Engineers in [the two in which I live]use statistics. Really? I though the guys at the manufacturing plant just used magic and could detect how many blue balls -- I mean defective switches were in the urn... I mean batch.
(2) I am NOT a morning person. The combination of an 8 am double class three days a week and teaching an 8 am class confirmed what I've long believed. I like to wake up at my own pace, preferably after the sun has risen.
(3) Autoimmune diseases are causes by a loss in normal immune function. I should hope that after 9 credits of the immune system this semester, I would have learned something about it. On a related note...
(4) Macrophages may be the most underappreciated professional phagocyte. Neutrophils are considered the best phagocytes (professional eaters) because they have extra killing mechanisms. Dendritic cells are the best antigen presenters, because they can co-express certain molecules without extra stimulation. Macrophages are jacks of all trades... they recoganize the most particles, and sound the alarm. They're good at everything, masters of nothing. Sometimes, I feel like a macrophage.
(5) Season Affective Disorder (SAD) is no myth. Try spending 3 months in the same small, snowy town with very few oppertunities to renew your self. See how quickly you burn out.
(6) People notice when you care, and they use it to take advantage of you. A co-worker, MM, and I taught advanced biochemistry lab this semester. MM was focused on a presentation she gave at a confrence over spring break for the first half of the semester, and checked out during the second half. JQ and I did all the work for the teaching lab... cleaning it, organizing it, preparing it. MM did nothing... and yet I know she will get better teacher reviews that I got.
(7) My students STILL thing I'm stupid. I had cheaters again this semester. They got away with it... not because I didn't notice, but because we had to let them go.
Now, its summer, and I get to focus on my research. At least there's good new in there somewhere.
(1) Real Life Engineers in [the two in which I live]use statistics. Really? I though the guys at the manufacturing plant just used magic and could detect how many blue balls -- I mean defective switches were in the urn... I mean batch.
(2) I am NOT a morning person. The combination of an 8 am double class three days a week and teaching an 8 am class confirmed what I've long believed. I like to wake up at my own pace, preferably after the sun has risen.
(3) Autoimmune diseases are causes by a loss in normal immune function. I should hope that after 9 credits of the immune system this semester, I would have learned something about it. On a related note...
(4) Macrophages may be the most underappreciated professional phagocyte. Neutrophils are considered the best phagocytes (professional eaters) because they have extra killing mechanisms. Dendritic cells are the best antigen presenters, because they can co-express certain molecules without extra stimulation. Macrophages are jacks of all trades... they recoganize the most particles, and sound the alarm. They're good at everything, masters of nothing. Sometimes, I feel like a macrophage.
(5) Season Affective Disorder (SAD) is no myth. Try spending 3 months in the same small, snowy town with very few oppertunities to renew your self. See how quickly you burn out.
(6) People notice when you care, and they use it to take advantage of you. A co-worker, MM, and I taught advanced biochemistry lab this semester. MM was focused on a presentation she gave at a confrence over spring break for the first half of the semester, and checked out during the second half. JQ and I did all the work for the teaching lab... cleaning it, organizing it, preparing it. MM did nothing... and yet I know she will get better teacher reviews that I got.
(7) My students STILL thing I'm stupid. I had cheaters again this semester. They got away with it... not because I didn't notice, but because we had to let them go.
Now, its summer, and I get to focus on my research. At least there's good new in there somewhere.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Why the Herpes Simplex Virus is a dick
So... I know I haven't posted much this semester. I'm taking too many credits, care too much about teaching, and I'm trying to do research. However, 9 credits of immunology later, I have made the following, profound conclusion. Pathogens are sick bastards. Think about it. In an ideal world, you would get sick at a semi convenient time of normal stress when you work load was light. Or, better yet, you wouldn't get sick at all. But, some viral agents are just dicks.
Take the Herpes Simplex Virus as an example. I don't mean the genital herpes virus, I mean the cold sore virus (although, acutally, the two viruses are basically interchangable. You can get genital herpes from someone's cold sore and vice versa...). But, after you get an initial infection, the virus hides in your body. When you're under stress for what ever reason, it rears its ugly head.
Got three finals and a presentation to give? Cold sore.
Just around the holidays? Cold Sore!
Skiing vacation with your parents (this is more stressful than you may imagine)? COLD SORE!
YOUR WEDDING NIGHT?
COLD FUCKING SORE!!!
Okay... now that I've gotten that off my chest, I wish to clear the air. (1) I do not, as far as I know, have the herpes simplex virus. I might be a carrier for Epstein Barr, through, which causes mono and cancer (2) Procrastination is killing me, and (3) I will try to write more this summer.
Take the Herpes Simplex Virus as an example. I don't mean the genital herpes virus, I mean the cold sore virus (although, acutally, the two viruses are basically interchangable. You can get genital herpes from someone's cold sore and vice versa...). But, after you get an initial infection, the virus hides in your body. When you're under stress for what ever reason, it rears its ugly head.
Got three finals and a presentation to give? Cold sore.
Just around the holidays? Cold Sore!
Skiing vacation with your parents (this is more stressful than you may imagine)? COLD SORE!
YOUR WEDDING NIGHT?
COLD FUCKING SORE!!!
Okay... now that I've gotten that off my chest, I wish to clear the air. (1) I do not, as far as I know, have the herpes simplex virus. I might be a carrier for Epstein Barr, through, which causes mono and cancer (2) Procrastination is killing me, and (3) I will try to write more this summer.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
An open letter to my students
Dear Student,
Please do not complain to me about how unreasonable this class feels.
You are enrolled in a lab course which is scheduled to be two hours. Yes, it is lovely when the laboratory gets out early. But, that does not mean it is your right to get out early. Do not whine to me, I have to be in the lab three times the length you do. It is NOT my fault that you cannot follow simple, explicit, pictorial directions.
What's more, you are juniors and seniors. I assume that you are comfortable with basic chemistry concepts like buffers, spectrophotometry, and making cohesive arguments. Do not get angry with me when I expect you to write a lab report which has logical flow and is devoid of trite phrases. Personal pronouns are completely inapproprate in formal writing. A high school student should know that. Simillarly, a high school student should know how to move through a paragraph.
Now that we have established your age, lets move onto your purpose. You are in my class to learn. This does not mean that you should be asking me to look over your assignment to make sure you satisfy my requirements. If I tell you exactly what I want, there is no higher order thinking occurring. Without higher order thinking, you are not learning.
So, students, I implore you, please get your acts together!
Sincerely,
JW
Please do not complain to me about how unreasonable this class feels.
You are enrolled in a lab course which is scheduled to be two hours. Yes, it is lovely when the laboratory gets out early. But, that does not mean it is your right to get out early. Do not whine to me, I have to be in the lab three times the length you do. It is NOT my fault that you cannot follow simple, explicit, pictorial directions.
What's more, you are juniors and seniors. I assume that you are comfortable with basic chemistry concepts like buffers, spectrophotometry, and making cohesive arguments. Do not get angry with me when I expect you to write a lab report which has logical flow and is devoid of trite phrases. Personal pronouns are completely inapproprate in formal writing. A high school student should know that. Simillarly, a high school student should know how to move through a paragraph.
Now that we have established your age, lets move onto your purpose. You are in my class to learn. This does not mean that you should be asking me to look over your assignment to make sure you satisfy my requirements. If I tell you exactly what I want, there is no higher order thinking occurring. Without higher order thinking, you are not learning.
So, students, I implore you, please get your acts together!
Sincerely,
JW
Sunday, March 13, 2011
You might be a catholic girl...
So, its lent, and I'm trying to re-connect with my faith. Of course, it raises the occasional awkward question...
My students have trouble believing I was taught biochemistry by an honest-to-god nun. Its become a bit of a joke, actually. My sadistic nun biochem teacher made me use a spec 20 for every experiment. I NEVER got a microplate reader, like some people. We used old school pH meters which jumped up and down, and we made our own buffers for ALL our experiments, not just our buffer experiment. Actually, Dr./Sr. K. is an amazing woman. She is one of the people responsible for my the formation of my faith as a scientist and a woman.
My Chinese co-workers have actually come out and asked me the question I image a more than a few people wonder, but no one else has the balls to ask. JL and JQ have both asked me how I can be both a good scientists and a good Catholic. I suppose I should start by stating that I'm not a particularly good Catholic. I have too many questions and like to think for myself. Its a characteristic that makes me a good scientist.
But, my faith and my vocation on re-enforce each other. I question how people can't believe in God when we can look through a microscope and see shiny, flourescent cells. There is perfection in the signaling pathways that I study... in all signaling pathways. Then there is water, which is perfect. There is the way seratonin makes me feel when I see ADS, and the way oxytocin makes me feel close to him and my parents. How can I not appreciate science and God?
My students have trouble believing I was taught biochemistry by an honest-to-god nun. Its become a bit of a joke, actually. My sadistic nun biochem teacher made me use a spec 20 for every experiment. I NEVER got a microplate reader, like some people. We used old school pH meters which jumped up and down, and we made our own buffers for ALL our experiments, not just our buffer experiment. Actually, Dr./Sr. K. is an amazing woman. She is one of the people responsible for my the formation of my faith as a scientist and a woman.
My Chinese co-workers have actually come out and asked me the question I image a more than a few people wonder, but no one else has the balls to ask. JL and JQ have both asked me how I can be both a good scientists and a good Catholic. I suppose I should start by stating that I'm not a particularly good Catholic. I have too many questions and like to think for myself. Its a characteristic that makes me a good scientist.
But, my faith and my vocation on re-enforce each other. I question how people can't believe in God when we can look through a microscope and see shiny, flourescent cells. There is perfection in the signaling pathways that I study... in all signaling pathways. Then there is water, which is perfect. There is the way seratonin makes me feel when I see ADS, and the way oxytocin makes me feel close to him and my parents. How can I not appreciate science and God?
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