Records of a Mad Scientist: Twelve Hours

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Twelve Hours

Marathon day. I come home, and N is talking about her day as well. She tells me she had under water helecopter escaping training. God... that is just an impressive thing to have on your resume. Underwater helecopter escape training.

The doubts are kicking in. I am sitting her eating Goldfish crackers out of a bag, drinking sparkling water straight from a 1 L bottle, and propping my throbbing knees up on the chair. I could fall asleep in my clothes. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that I need to acomplish, and like I'll never measure up.

I finished grading somewhere around 4 am. It was a Bad Night. This is a phrase I do not feel the need to explain here. Just trust me, it was. Made it into biochemistry by 8:03. Wicked stomach cramps the whole class. An hour in the office arguing with matlab. My algebra sucks right now. Cell biology from 10 - 12. Useless, useless, useless. Skipped my grant meeting I was supposed to attend at 12. The NSF won't fund my proposed work anyway. And, I'm so tired. I haven't gotten a chance to prepare anything for this grant, I've barely gotten the chance to sit and unwind. Ran home, got my id and some lunch. Back to the office by 12:30. Finished up some last minute statistical analysis. Meet with Dr.A at 1. Teaching from 2 til 8... or actually, 2 - 8:30. My students were better today. I was worse. But, that's what only a few hours of sleep will do for you.Went back to the lab to get my stuff to find it flooding. I work in a new building. Brand spanking new. The roof should not be leaking, but the contractor seems to have cut corners. Our microscope was not cheap to build, and will not be cheap to replace if it gets water damage. We almost had to move it into another room to protect it from the leaks in the lab. Instead, we set out buckets and got two tarps down. I showed badly again. "The tarp is dirty" is not a warning against getting dirt on me, its a warning against dirt on the microscope. Came home in the rain, made dinner. Now, I feel nausous. Talked to boy. Going to bed. Maybe I'll throw up first.

Tommorow doesn't look any better. I'm ordering DAPI to improve my staining proceedure, fixing my statistical analysis, meeting with a classmate for tutoring, meeting my students for tutoring, fitting in homework somewhere, and finding time to recover.

Was I wrong to give up on the NSF fellowship? Its a lot of money even though my chances of getting it are low. I will probably get an RA next year anyway. Am I stretching myself too thin? I can't do many more of these days where I sleep less than 4 hours and go for almost 13. At some point, I get brain dead. I fall behind on my emails, I can't function. I'm no good to myself... but at least I'm not letting anyone down completely. I'm only sort of letting them down...

2 comments:

ADSeptember 23, 2010 at 9:22 AM
You're doing absolutely amazing things, JW! I would have collapsed long ago trying to do everything you are doing, and I probably wouldn't be half as good at it. But you need to slow down! At the rate you're going, I'm afraid there won't be anything left of you by the time I see you in November. Get some more sleep, at least. It's fun to read about what you're doing, but I don't like worrying about you.

I hope the rest of your week goes well, and I'll try to call on Friday before stuff starts happening.

I miss you!
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JWSeptember 23, 2010 at 8:02 PM
Oh... I will exist in November. I had that lovely 3 week stretch last spring when I slept 4 hours a day for 10 out of 14.
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Cast of Characters

AC -- AD's roommate. Famous for his frustration with his own epic procrastination and ability to curse the latin word on the tip of his tongue.
AD -- my boyfriend. Its new... and exciting... and hard from this distance. An aerospace engineer. Still goes to the famous former football giant across the road from the castle where I went to undergrad.
BD -- one of my best friends from undergrad. Another ex-boyfriend and part of my incestious little circle of friends. Has rigid boundaries that serve him well. Math major and genius.
Dr.jR -- head of the chemistry and biochemistry department. Researches NOM (not eating, sadly, but natural organic material). Nice, but unpredicatble.
DrA -- my research boss. Somewhere in his thirties and totally chill. The first PI I've ever met who bakes cookies during lab meetings.
DrR -- my teaching boss. Crotchety old man who doesn't take shit. Slightly sexist. Smokes like a chimney. A teddy bear.
JL -- our post doc in lab. Chineese. Tells me not to work so hard.
JP -- an ex-boyfriend of mine and sort-of friend. Suitmate of AD. Sort of an asshole. VERY crude. We tend to play off eachother. Once dropped his pants in the middle of a crowded room. Also, halo teabagged someone in real life. More than once. Signature phrase is "Dicking Fuck." Exemplifies why Physics and Math double majors scare me.
Kara -- basically the person who told me to write this.
Michael Cera -- guy in my program. Actually younger than I am (I was suprised). Very nice. Lutheran boy scout. Might decide to teach chemistry. Analytical chemist.
MK -- The youngest member of the Quad (AC, AD, JP and MK). Computer science major. Bearded. Sometimes more mature than his fellow seniors who can drink. More or less uncorrupted. It was adorable when he had his first girlfriend.
N -- my fabulous Indian roommate. Seriously, she is great. And, she feeds me.
St. Pat -- One of the guys in my program. Older than the rest of us by a few years. A good analytical chemist. Smart. Familiar with the works of Joss Whedon.
T -- my former roommate. Gave me a cold for my brithday. LIke, a stuffed one.

A few definations...

Cell Biology -- a field of biology that is basically their answer to the fact that life is based in chemistry. As a graduate level course, it has involved a 2 day lecture on atomic bonding and the Krebs cycle. These were things covered in my freshman chemistry and biology courses.
Cubby's -- My prefered non smoking bar in graduate school
Macrophage -- Somestimes called Macs; a type of immune cell, and the target of my research. I've been told they're ugly, but I think they're pretty cute when I get to dye them pretty colors with florescent dye or proteins and look at them under the microscope. I get geeky abou them.
Microscope -- Dr.A's big, expensive microscope that looks at cells. It can see brightfield (normal cells) and florescent ones. We can also see if protiens are clumping together with it.
Students -- I teach freshman science majors, except for the ones who want to be chemists. I have a lot of engineers, a handful of premeds and biologists, and quite a few pre-pharmacy. Sometimes agravating, often exhausting, and a huge time suck. I want them to suceed, which, according to my defination, is learn something.

WARNING: Scientific Content

I realize that not all of my readers are scientists (I think maybe 1/3?), and even fewer are chemists. So, I propose a science warning system.

* Basic science. Things you should have learned in school if you had been paying attention. Or... if you don't know this, you need to talk to T because our science education system sucks.

** High School/Freshman college science and math. Stuff I would expect you to know after a calculus class and at least one class in physical and life science.

*** Some scientific knowledge. Let's assume you've had 1+ upper level science course in either biology or chemistry.

****Upper level science. You probably need 3 - 4 years of college chemistry/biology to get this part. Maybe not, though. I'll try to avoid this as much as possible. Sometimes, though, I can't help myself and I geek.